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Lunch in airport. Large Diet Pepsi. 6 hour plane ride. Window seat. Sleepy McSleeperson in the aisle. Too polite. Wait too long. Can’t wait anymore. Wake sleepy. 4 people ahead of me. Pain. 2 people ahead. Bursting. Last person out reports no more toilet paper. Flight attendant takes donkey years to replace it. Flight attendant making jokes about us wanting to roll over or under. “I DON’T NEED TOILET PAPER!!” Screaming on the inside. Stormy calm on the outside. One more person ahead. Kegal muscles holding on with all they’ve got. My turn. Lock door. Best feeling ever. Wash hands. Wipe sweat from brow. Return to seat. Wake sleepy. Lesson learned. “would you like anything to drink sir?” “Yes, Diet Coke please.” One hour later. Wake sleepy again. IDIOT!