Am I playing Mad-Gab?

Working in a medicaid clinic poses a lot of difficulties. I knew there would be disrespect for appointment times. I knew there would be no-shows. I knew there would be a lot of bombed out mouths. But one thing I did not anticipate, was the challenge to my ability to pronunciate, and the scorn I would face from Mothers who listened to my attempts.

There are some crazy names given to some children. I hate to say this, but you will probably be able to surmize from the list, they are largely inner-city names. When I go get a new patient from the waiting room there is a form with all their information waiting for me. From this I must try to decipher the pronunciation of this made-up name and call the patient back. Here is an example of my experience.

I pick up the form and see the name, Jamek.

"Jah-mek?"

No answer.

"Jah-mek?"

Long pause as I study the name.

Mother who is sitting right in front of me, and looking at me this entire time says, with complete disdain, "Do you mean Jah-meek?!"

"Uh, yes, that would be Jah-meek." (Again it was spelled Jamek).

What the? How many kids are named Jamek. And if you wanted it to be Jameek, spell it that way as long as you're making up names! I think a lot of these people are trying to spell their kids names phonetically, but somebody is not so hooked on phonics.

Here are some of my patients over the last couple weeks.

Aad
Keyone
Tai-Brionne
Jacquane
Sincere (no joke)
Nevaeh (Heaven backwards, this is a popular one)
Catrail (Not cat-trail, I did NOT fall for this one)
Ojahnique
Nyzeria
Shaton
Qianya (yep no Qu- How do your pronouce that? Still not sure).

Cute kids, often with pretty sounding names once you hear them pronounced. But I am amazed how often these parents are ticked when we mispronounce the name. I admit, I am tired of telling people it's Halle, not Haylee, but I didn't make up a name and then spell it in an unthinkable way. They HAD to think this was going to happen when filling out that birth certificate form.

I know this is a long post, but I just can't resist this story. It may not be so funny when reading it, but I thought it was hilarious. This happended to a fellow resident of mine. He came to do an exam on a hygiene patient, and when he came to the chair he asked what her name was.

"It's Secret."

Resident: "Oh, you can tell me, what is it?"

Kid: "It's secret!"

Resident looks at the chart, sure enough it IS Secret, spelled Cecret.

Sorry kids, get used to it, you're going to deal with it for the rest of your lives. Please don't do it to your own children.