As most conspiracy theorists, I know I am fighting an uphill battle in convincing the world of the truth. Most people go on in their little routines believing, or wanting to believe, that everything is normal, and will continue to be so. They accept the reality that is presented to them without thought of the possibilities, that someone, somewhere is pulling the strings on their flimsy puppet arms.
Am I talking about the Matrix? No. I'm talking about something far more pervasive. Some of you use it everyday, falsely believing the market propaganda. In fact, herein lies the conspiracy. If you use it everyday, you MUST use it everyday.
Chapstick. That's right you heard me! Half of you stopped reading because you could never believe your precious cylindrical friend in your pocket would ever do you wrong. I used to be a chapstick junky myself. A multiple use per day junky. If I didn't use it my lips would dry up like the Arizona ground in August. So I would reach for my blessed chapy, and feed the addiction. Until one day, I didn't. I endured several days of lip withdrawl and now, praises be, I and my lips are free.
You can be free too! THIS IS A RIP OFF CONSPIRACY! Use it once, and you are doomed to need it within 2 hours. Sure it's cheap and lasts a long time. Yes, it does make your lips feel as soft as rose peddles on a baby's bum, but if you don't use it, your lips are just as velvety. I go against even my wife in taking my stand. I have tried to reform her, but as yet have unsuccessful in convincing her of this truth.
Add it to the list. Alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, pornography, and now...chapstick (and all generic immitators). Cast this demon from your midst. If I can do it, so can you.
9 months ago
13 comments:
liar!
Alright, Rob. I'll give up my chapstick if you give up your DVR.
just kidding, heck no i won't.
I am not ashamed of my addiction.
I read somewhere that the key to healthy lips in the long run is to slather on the lip balm. So see, I'm trying to be lip-healthy.
Holy crap! Check out what I found:
http://www.kevdo.com/lipbalm/industry.html
Here is a snippet:
"The lip balm industry is a powerful force for change, using methods known by some as the "Chap Stick Conspiracy"! Over the last few years, the number of addicts has risen sharply, as the companies who force this stuff through fancy marketing and uncaring tactics."
They have research people!
rob, i agree with you with you 100% and i have also shared my feelings on this subject with blake...he is of the annie school of thought. nice research by the way.
rob, i agree with you with you 100% and i have also shared my feelings on this subject with blake...he is of the annie school of thought. nice research by the way.
Is this why Brad and Sarah always steal Chapstick out of my purse?
O.K. I can give up Chapstick, but don't try and mess with your mom's Mentholatum!!
love the blog scoresby!
i prefer peppermint, vanilla and cherry flavored chapstick, i buy one once a year and lose it 2 weeks later:P
i recall this show here in NZ about lipstick containing lots of toxicity.
http://www.3news.co.nz/TVShows/CampbellLive/Stories/tabid/817/articleID/64463/cat/58/Default.aspx
I don't know why we subject ourselves to this $#@$% in the name of soft, supple lips.
We're slowly poisoning ourselves and fattening manufacterers back pockets.
You're either ONTO something or ON something?
:)Pharaoh
Just some background on the site I listed above. I was looking for something on google to retort Jen's comment and saw "Chapstick Conspiracy" and clicked on it. It blew me away! I was making a sarcastic observation, which I do believe a little bit, but these guys are full on organized! They have research and what looks like quite a following, not to mention a website. I thought it was so hilarious.
You and Kris share the same theory of chapstick. He never uses it and never will.
This is a truth we have already learned. You're right on the mark Rob! Chapstick is now only used in our house once in a long while when it's REALLY needed.
for sure i put some one while i was reading the first paragraph. . . and i totally think you are telling the truth. But i can't stop!!!!
Yeah, i'm well aware of all of this. It's an addiction that I am fine having. So preach on.
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