And the Darwin Award Goes to...

I learned some lessons last night.

1. When working with black food coloring always close the cap immediately following use.
2. When black food coloring spills in large quantities on your table and cell phone a large manly gasp is all it takes to call your wife to prompt action.
3. All you care about is your cell phone, all your wife cares about it is the table.
4. Food coloring will dye your skin as well as your food.
5. Once you think you have it under control check beneath your expandable table to see if some leaked through the crack.
6. Once you realize a large amount of the dye is resting on the hidden leaf below the surface of your table and now dripping onto the floor, you may realize you severely underestimated the amount of dye spilled.
7. Before you expand your table to clean up the mess try to remember the last time you did it when the missionaries came for dinner and how the runners are broken.
8. Once your table has broken into two pieces and you're standing their holding a piece in each hand trying to keep your project, your laptop, and random Christmas crap from falling onto the floor or into the dye, it's good to have your wife around for an extra pair of hands.
9. When you clean one half of the table place it down on carpet.
10. Stand there holding the other half...getting heavier...until your wife can clean the rest of the dye off the leaf.
11. How many rolls of paper towels does it take to clean up  less than 3/4 oz. black food coloring? Answer: 1.5, plus a sham wow.
12. Once your table is back together, your back has rested, all items are placed back on the table, and you're working on your project again, DO NOT SPILL THE FOOD COLORING A SECOND TIME! Yes...actually happened, although much smaller, and not through the crack. Annie verbally berated me. I believe her actual words were, "Are you freaking kidding me?!?!"
13. It is wonderful to have someone to laugh with through all of this, it was really quite ridiculous and therefore pretty hilarious, and our heads hurt from laughing. Plus, the project turned out pretty good, you'll see the end product in about a week.